The Scar is Barely Visible
I was diagnosed with para nasal sinus cancer, squamous cell carcinoma around this time last year, having had a tumour growing under my eye for approximately 3 years. I'm a singer, songwriter and I didnt know it was cancer until I finally had tests, despite collapsing many times and being diagnosed with sinus infections and vertigo. I no longer have sinus infections and I never did have vertigo. They told me it had to be removed, including bone, tissue surrounding the tumour. This is in my face, so I was petrified. But mostly scared because I was fitted for a feeding tube just in case they needed to remove the roof of my mouth, despite all assurances that they could fix this and it wouldn't impact on my voice. My one thought constantly was that I would never sing again. Cancer makes you irrational and paranoid so I didnt believe them. I was also told I might lose my right eye and I would be scarred for life with life changing injuries.
So I remember being alone waiting to go down to surgery and so scared of what would happen. I was lucky, they removed the tumour, saved my eye and it hadnt spread, so my mouth was intact when I woke. The surgeons were phenomenal and to look at me now the scar is barely visible. You cannot tell from the outside that I have a huge hole inside my face that will always be there.
Within 3 weeks I was performing at Epworth and I've never felt so grateful to sing, to just get up and give it a go. Nobody knows what going on in somebody else's lives but I know I'm grateful for every day and I'm going to keep singing and performing all my life. I get nervous everytime that I'm not good enough and then I remember what I've been through and I suck it up and get on with it. Life is precious and life is good. I'm the lyricist to my partners music and since then weve written many songs together and everyone is a celebration of currently beating cancer. I'm free of it for now.
So to everyone out there who is suffering, recovering, supporting you are all amazing, live and love life and enjoy every minute of the day. Always take time for you, and self care is really important, as is family and friends whether you're the patient or the supporter x